shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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