Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
