hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The air was thick with penises
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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