First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
