Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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