i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
