i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
