just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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