and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
