And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
