Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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