Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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