You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
