Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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