She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
