You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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