I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
