Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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