you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
