So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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