I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
