I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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