i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
