You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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