I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
