True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
