I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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