if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
