so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
