my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
