the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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