Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
