Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
