you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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