so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
