we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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