fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
