you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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