I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
