you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
