And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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