Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
