We named our party play list daddy issues
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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