I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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