After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
