He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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