I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
