is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
