Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
