so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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