you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
