Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
