I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
