New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
