Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
