Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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