I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
